“Never. We never lose our loved ones. They
accompany us; they don’t disappear from our
lives. We are merely in different rooms.”
Paulo Coelho
We have all experienced heart wrenching loss. Loss of a spouse,
mom, dad, son, daughter, brother, sister, best friend. Sometimes, it
is an unexpected and unnecessary loss, in the cruelest of ways. How
can we cope? How can we deal with it? We must, so we do, we must
continue. But where do we find the strength? As an attorney, I have
met many people who have lost a loved one and are grieving. Oftentimes,
senseless, unnecessary loss, which was preventable if other
people had followed the safety rules. I have also met a lot of people
with tremendous heart, strength, and inspiration. I marvel at how they
can carry such pain in their hearts and carry on with great strength
and fortitude. How do they do it? I think we each deal with our losses
in our own way, in our own time, by ourselves, and with the help of
others. But I think a big part of that is simply asking ourselves: What
would the person we have lost want us to do? What would they do?
How would they do it? We can, and we must draw strength from these
questions. Would they want us to shut ourselves in, shut down, or
just be sad? For a little while, but then they would want us to get back
up, dust ourselves off, and live the fullest, most productive, happiest
lives of which we are capable. Would they want us to get out there,
smile, make the world a better place and honor their memories? Those
wonderful memories. Yes, and they are there to help us. Get out of
our sadness and soar. I heard a song by Bette Midler once, and there
is a line in it that goes something like, “did you ever know that you’re
my hero? The wind beneath my wings.” We will always have the wind
beneath our wings, it is just a matter of what we do with it.
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